Before we embark on this new blog, I want to express from the depths of my heart, the profound purpose behind this blog. It's not just about disseminating information; it's about fostering a haven for personal growth and healing. Each piece penned down here is a brave exploration into the uncharted territories of my own life, revealing areas longing for healing. Simultaneously, it shines a light on the inspiring tales of transformation that have already experienced the incredible power of healing.
With that in mind, let's delve into the reading.
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you thought you had fully recovered from emotional traumas in your life, only to have those wounds unexpectedly resurface? It's a common experience that many of us can relate to. The journey of healing is not always linear, and sometimes we discover that our pain is still present and affecting us. It's important to remember that it's completely okay to acknowledge this pain. Healing takes time and patience, and it's a process that requires self-compassion and understanding.
When my dear wife approached me with a heartfelt question about whether I miss certain individuals who were once an important part of my life, my response was filled with raw emotions and a genuine sense of vulnerability. I explained to her that it's not simply a matter of missing them, but rather an ongoing journey of grappling with profound pain and navigating the complexities that still linger within me. These were individuals whom I deeply invested years of my life in, making their absence all the more profound and impactful.
During my dedicated tenure as a Moreh, I wholeheartedly poured not only time but also immense passion into my role. I selflessly sacrificed precious evenings and cherished moments with my beloved wife and children, all in order to attend to crucial family matters that required my unwavering intervention. These were years filled with countless therapy sessions, heartfelt advice, and earnest pleas for struggling couples to muster the strength to persevere and rekindle their relationships. With genuine concern, I offered counsel, care, and undivided attention to these individuals in need, hoping that their gratitude would extend to reciprocating support if ever I found myself in a similar predicament. Reflecting back, I realize how my optimism was beautifully intertwined with a touch of naivety.
Throughout my countless teachings to the congregation, I have consistently stressed the profound significance of embracing the principles of mercy and grace, particularly when it comes to those who have wandered off their intended path. It is crucial to never underestimate the transformative power that these principles hold.
I have always emphasized that deep within each one of us resides a complex duality - both the "Yetzer Hara" or Evil Inclination and the "Yetzer Hatov" or Good Inclination. These two opposing forces engage in a perpetual struggle for dominance and influence over our existence. It is an ongoing battle that shapes our thoughts, actions, and ultimately our character. By recognizing this internal conflict, we can better navigate through life's challenges with empathy, forgiveness, and understanding towards others who may have succumbed to their own human flaws.
Throughout my interactions with the congregation and friends close to me, I have consistently emphasized the importance of acknowledging our imperfections and embracing them as opportunities for growth. It is only in these moments that we truly understand the significance of having a compassionate support system to lift us up from where we may find ourselves. But unfortunately, as the saying goes, "everyone makes firewood out of a fallen tree,". It's as if everyone was anticipating my fall. It felt like there was a grand celebration when they saw me taking the initiative to confess my wrongdoing.
My dearest and most cherished friends, whom I hold so close to my heart and consider family, displayed an incredible amount of compassion when I mustered up the courage to confess my wrongdoing. They embraced me with open arms, showing me that their love for me remained unwavering.
However, as time went on, their disappointment could not be contained and they expressed their feelings through messages that conveyed their profound upset. It was truly disheartening to witness some others choose to physically distance themselves from me while I was in the midst of admitting my sin, ultimately deciding to sever all communication with me indefinitely. It is during moments like these that our hearts ache the most - when those we hold dear react in such a way. But let us not forget that we are all human beings who are prone to making mistakes from time to time. It is through these very experiences that we have the opportunity to grow stronger as individuals.
Weeks have passed since I bravely opened up about my wrongdoing publicley, hoping that those whom my wife and I had placed our trust in would approach her with genuine empathy and provide the emotional support she so desperately needed. However, my hopes were dashed as all she received were mere text messages expressing prayers for her wellbeing. It's truly disheartening to witness how our society has replaced the warmth of a comforting hug or an intimate coffee outing with a detached electronic message. It is with great difficulty that I try to comprehend how we have come to this point where virtual connections take precedence over genuine human interactions. In moments of distress and hardship, it is crucial that we extend our support beyond typing words on a screen. Let us not underestimate the power of personal presence and make the effort to visit our loved ones in their time of need.
If you, dear reader, are aware of someone close to you who is going through challenging times, I implore you not to settle for sending them a simple text message. Instead, make it a priority to carve out time in your schedule to be physically present by their side and show them your unwavering support in person. A friendly visit can do wonders for their spirits and remind them that they are not alone in their struggles.Â
It's quite astonishing how those who never visited my home during some of the most challenging times were the first to express surprise and even annoyance when my wife and I decided to move states without informing anyone.
It is quite common for the pulpit to become a platform where we often encounter a noticeable amount of emotional hypocrisy when discussing the lives of biblical figures such as Elijah, Moses, and David. We delve into their stories, highlighting their struggles with temperament and emotional instability in the case of Elijah, leadership shortcomings in the case of Moses, and grave sins like murder and adultery committed by David. One cannot overlook David's grave transgressions - not only did he take the life of Bathsheba's husband, but he also kept silent about his actions for over a year before marrying her. Inevitably, they had a child together who ultimately became the next King of Israel.
The engaging and thought-provoking conversations surrounding these characters serve as a powerful reminder of our shared humanity, gently nudging us to acknowledge that we all possess flaws and are prone to making mistakes. In these moments, it becomes imperative for us to reflect upon the profound truth that each and every one of us is in dire need of God's boundless grace and infinite mercy. Unfortunately, when it comes to applying the lessons from these biblical accounts in our own lives, we often find ourselves falling short. Instead of extending compassion and understanding towards those who have stumbled, we unintentionally assume the roles of judges and executioners, perpetuating a cycle of judgment rather than one of empathy.
It has been over a year since I humbly confessed my transgressions, and every single day since then, my heart is filled with a deep desire for mercy and forgiveness from my Creator. Time may pass, be it 40 more years or beyond, but my yearning for His divine grace remains unwavering. The manifestation of His forgiveness in my life is undeniable, as I have been blessed with the gift of another daughter. This beautiful blessing serves as a constant reminder of God's boundless love and endless mercy bestowed upon me. Moreover, the love and care provided by my incredible wife truly exemplify the grace of God in action. Through her selfless actions and unwavering support, I witness firsthand the unfathomable depths of God's love in my life.
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